browningtons:

ill eat ass but idk man the weird soft spots on bananas look weird 

fwips:

when you call in to work and your coworker answers the phone in their peppy work voice then realizes its you and goes back to sounding just as dead inside as you are

floozys:

why is catcalling called catcalling? i like cats and i would quite like them calling me to see how i am or to make plans to meet for brunch, catcalling should be called something more accurate like asshole screeching or insecure masculinity 

what i actually said: i forgot
what my parents heard: i hate you and i am determined to fail at life, go to prison, and bring dishonor to this family. i care about nothing except my computer and tv shows and you can just go burn in hell for all i care. also i'm pregnant.
I’m so fucking sick of saying I’m sorry when I’m the one collapsed on the ground.
(via ckgarden)
Oh my god Its fucking red
Anonymous

This is all I could have hoped for

gnarly:

*snapchats and texts the same person at the same time*

earthmoss:

now why would i ever want to get more than 4 hours of sleep when i can achieve these sexy dark bags under my eyes??

godblesstyleroakley:

grizzlygains:

happyhalloweekes:

spoopy-shanin:

I’m not too late for the cute lil ghosts, right?

Of course you have to drag it and be amazed

THIS IS THE BEST ONE YET

Yes!

-hewastheirfriend:

this fucked me up

brook:

i always assume the worst of men and let them gradually prove themselves to me 

prokopetz:

Today on Social Anxiety Theatre: mentally rehearsing elaborate justifications for completely innocuous actions just in case some hypothetical interlocutor demands an explanation.